Moving Forward

An Unofficial Address

So much has been going on that I don't even know where to start. It seems as though life has taken a 180 degree turn and doesn't show signs of turning back... and I'm okay with that. First, my family. I've got some big stuff coming up (hopefully) and my family isn't handling it too well which makes things hard on me. Something that is amazing is that the Lord has turned this into an opportunity to witness to them. The choices I'm making are not up to par with what my family has for ideals for me, but because the Spirit fills me with such passion for the truths of the Father I can't help but express that. Conversations of my future are common at the dinner table these days. I have to constantly defend my faith, but I think that hearts are being softened, and at the very least there is more understanding as to why Jesus Christ is so important to my being. I am doing things simply based on faith and that's being noted by my family. Not that I'm looking for any sort of notoriety, but it's good to know that they acknowledge the Lord in my life. It's hard to not have 100% support from my family because when it comes down to it I can't imagine not being close-knit like we are. Even with 2000 miles between us sometimes, they are so important in all that I do.
You know, working at the church was a big deal to them and still is because I'm not making any money and it's been one of the hardest years of my life. They've seen the struggles I've been through this year and even though they've never been a part of my life at church they still stand behind me... well, they want me to succeed to in what I'm doing... no matter what.
Well the truth is... I have not been successful in the way I've wanted to be. I've been working at the church for a year this month and I feel like I'm in the same place I was a year ago. There is no consistency in attendance by the youth. Relationships aren't being built like I know they could be. I was gone every sunday in April because I was either in Florida with Trent or my family, or I was speaking at another church on sunday mornings, and not once did anyone acknowledge the fact that I had been away for that long. It didn't seem to matter to the church that I wasn't around. Life went on as normal... and that's how it's supposed to go I guess, but the thing is... no one missed the youth program at all. Something that really got me thinking was that there are a group of kids at Trent's church that I've clicked with better than the group at my own church. I get an email at least once a week from one of his kids.
So have I failed as a youth pastor? Nah. At least I'm trying not to believe that. Sometimes it's just not the right fit and in this case I don't think it is. Looking back on the year I'm sure there are things I've couldn't have done better/different, or more ways I could have invested. And there is still work to be done... I'm still planning a mission a trip for the senior high for the end of June/beginning of July.
I'm having a really hard time thinking about being done at this church because I am not a quitter and I never have been. (this coming from the person who just quit the bookstore, right?) But for reals, yo. We all know this about me. I can't give up on something very easily. I don't give up on my relationships with people, ever. I do whatever I can to make sure that I follow through on things I start. Maybe it's because I have people-pleasing tendencies, who knows. Whatever the case, just because my time here seems to be coming to an end does not mean that my ministry is dead... this is something I've really had to get a grasp on. I've always thought of a ministry position as a position for life. Not something you quit within a year. Often times I've felt inadequate this past year, but is that an excuse? Nope, because doesn't God equip us? Heck yes He does... that's a promise.
So how do I move forward without looking at this year as a failure? Well I don't really know how to just be okay with my present state, but I know that to move forward in anything I've got to move forward and walk with God. There's got to be more consistency. Don't we all need more consistency? I don't know one person who is content with there present state of being in the Lord because there is always room for growth. Can I get an amen?
This is like a "state of the union" address, except its more like a "state of my life" address. So moving onto my friends. I've enjoyed the past few weeks... they've been pretty laid back. To be honest I haven't taken much time to chat or catch up with friends. I miss the people that I'm used to talking to frequently, that's for sure, but I just haven't taken the time to call many people or be very consistent with calling people back. It's been a strange couple of weeks in that way for me. As we've already discussed... I'm all about keeping in touch with people and making sure things are good in friendships. When my phone rings I generally know who's calling because most of the people I love dearly have their own ring tones... I just haven't been moved to answer much. I've been hanging out with some awesome friends around here. I just helped some close friends move and I spent monday night with one of my oldest and best friends, but other than that I've been around my family. I need to get back to being good about calling people because I'm feeling out of the loop with a lot of my friends. I really miss talking to Trent, Ash, Michelle, Stacy, Jon, Steph, Blake, and the list goes on. Most of my best friends live in other states... time to be proactive.
Changing topics... I'm so old! I jumped in a moon bounce jumper thing for a couple of hours this past saturday and since then my back has been dead. Sunday it hurt to even breathe let alone move. Today it felt a lot better when I woke up so I took my dog on a jog... big mistake. I smell like Icy-Hot right now. Ha. My brother tells me I really need to strengthen my back because then this won't happen. He's probably right... time to learn how to strengthen my back. Can you google something like that?
I'll leave you with this quote from my friend, Jon's song he wrote back in high school. It's a song about singleness, but I think this can be applied to how God views us, and pleads for us.
"Don't be surprised if you can't find someone better for you than me." ~JB

posted by Moving Forward @ 8:22 PM