Moving Forward

Total Surrender

Well when I last updated I was clearly being dramatic and... well I was being a girl. And that's okay sometimes... because this is my release and then I'm good.
I do want to clear up my status though... not that I have to prove anything to anyone, but I'd like you all to know that I'm doing well and that all is not lost. As I read back over the things I was thinking merely two weeks ago I can't help but think how hopeless it sounded. How whiny, how annoying, really. Yes, some of the feelings were valid and I was feeling burnt out, but in all that, never abandoned by God. More like I did the abandoning.
Anyways, something I've been learning lately is total surrender to God. When you live a life that is totally surrendered to God, you will be blessed for that.
Prayer has been a difficult task for me lately... mostly because of laziness because I always intend to pray. This isn't to say that I'm never in prayer, but it's something that I have to consciously think about doing and setting aside time for. And I think that's okay too. In my relationships with other people I consciously set aside time to call people or spend time with friends, so it works the same in my relationship with Christ.
I think that I've been allowing myself to let prayer slide because I've been afraid of some answers I might get, as if I should even claim to know so much about the Lord that I can predict such a thing.
So back to this total surrender thing. Every morning when I wake up I make the choice to follow Christ. It's not forced on me, it's my choice. How could I choose anything less? Somedays it would be easier to follow the world, but to follow Christ is the greatest choice I've ever made. I believe that I've been called to be a daughter and follower of Christ and that is my most important role in this life. I want to do nothing more than exemplify Christ in all that I do, not to gain recognition for myself, but for the glory of the Kingdom. In My Utmost For His Highest by Oswald Chambers the devo on March 12th really spoke to me. Many of you have it handy, so check it out. If you don't, ask.
I've got to get out of the mindset of playing the victim in life. Total surrender. I am surrounded by married people. Most of my best friends are married or getting married this summer. They have husbands and wives of their own and in most situations in my life lately I end up being the 3rd, 5th, 7th, 9th, and 11th wheel. As fun as that may sound... uh no, actually it doesn't sound fun does it? I love my friends and I love their spouses. It's great to be back around friends I didn't get to see but on breaks during college. My group of high school friends was a pretty close-knit group. I mean, we did school, choir, worship team, church, trips, everything together. It was rare that there was a day or night when we didn't see each other for one thing or another if not just to hang out. I loved those times. They were like my family since mine was in AZ for the last two and half years of high school.
So what's the prob? If I love all these people so much (and I do!), why is this such a big deal? Welp mainly because it has become easy for me to feel left out. Just because at the end of the day everyone gets to go home and hang out with their best friend and I get to go home and hang out with... me. (I know you're thinking "What could be better?" well, touche). Total surrender. It's okay for me to be sad sometimes. And the Lord uses my friends and their spouses to teach me all the things I do and don't want to do in my marriage someday. I've actually learned a lot... hehe.
One thing (this is totally off the subject) is that I never want to be boring. I never want to be satisfied with going out to dinner being the most exciting thing I can think of to do. Seriously, all some people want to do is go out to eat and talk and that's okay sometimes because I really do have the ability to have adult conversation, but... My idea of fun is not spending lots of money on food and hours just sitting there when there are so many other things to do. With a group as big as we usually have we could play some fun games, go to a sporting event, go skating, go karaoke-ing, go geocaching, go hiking, I mean... anything really.
I realize that someone is going to read this and take it personally. Calm down, I always have fun when I'm out with my friends, this is just for me. And it's no one in-particular... it's just the married way, I guess. Yikes.
Total surrender. "Being delivered from sin and being made holy are the result of being right with God, but surrender resulting from this kind of thinking is certainly not the true nature of Christianity. Our motive for surrender should not be for any personal gain at all." "Gaining heaven, being delivered from sin, and being made useful to God are things that should never even be a consideration in real surrender. Genuine personal surrender is a sovereign preference for Jesus Christ Himself."
So this was a little A.D.D., but that's what happens on little sleep. So I'm only working two days this week and that is fabulous. Hope you all have a happy Easter. :)
This is one of my faves this time of year.
In Christ Alone
In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
'Till on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost it's grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Brought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
'Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

posted by Moving Forward @ 11:07 PM