Spring training to the max
Today was goodtimes for me because I got to go to a Cubs Spring training game and I get to go again tomorrow morning too. I got some decent pics today and a few autographs, but tomorrow the goal is to focus on finding Mark Prior. I'm so mature... right.So I had a lot of time to think today which can sometimes be a bad thing for me because I over analyze things... kinda like a lot of girls do, you know. I let my thoughts overwhelm me and even when I try to ignore them I can't. It's such a struggle of mine. I have the ability to go through an entire day and have a pretty good time while still being bogged down by thoughts and worries.
I've been pretty down these days as most of you know so its kinda a bummer. I feel like there's so muxh going on with me that people don't know about and they don't know about it because I choose to keep it to myself.
Life is so tricky and confusing sometimes. (I'm not even going to try to sound intellectual incase you haven't already figured that out.) I have always struggled with doubt as I'm sure most of us have, but it just seems like it is in full force right now. Not doubting God or where He is in my life, its more like I'm doubting myself and my friends and my family. It's so hard to explain. I so easily dissappoint myself because of the way I act or the things I say. I try to do everything out of love and I try to use my tongue to glorify God, but its so easy for just the opposite to happen. I find that I'm incredibly spoiled and I act that way all the time. So how do I change that? How can I change my attitude and how can I make people understand that I don't always mean to be the way I am or say the things I do? Why is it that I let my environment and the happenings around me determine how I'm feeling. This week there have been a few things that have really made me angry, but instead of doing something about it I've been sulking. Why don't I have the guts to say what's on my mind. Why am I still this little girl who tries to please everyone and act like I'm happy go lucky all the time?
I just wanna be me. I want to be me and for that to be okay. I want to be able to say what I'm thinking without the fear of offending someone. I want to not let other's selfishness and pigheadedness bother me.
God, I just want to be free!! I don't know what this means for me right now. I don't know if I need to actively do something or just mentally work on it. Or do I just not care and continue on?
Don't get me wrong folks, I"m loving spring break, but there are some aspects that I could certainly do without and I think it's pretty obvious what that is. I don't want everyone thinking that I'm having a horrible time because I'm not, I just wish a few things were different. But nothing is perfect right? So now that I got some of my frustration out I think I can go to bed. Tomorrow is a new day. Hopefully a day when I get to meet Mark Prior!! Goodnight!
posted by Moving Forward @ 2:52 AM
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