Birfday Celebration
Alexandria Marie is a year old today. It's kinda a trip to think about. She's so beautiful! We gave her a miniature cake to dig into and that she did! She stuck her face in it without me having to do it for her... smart girl. It was so cute. She really went to town on it. That's all I've got tonight. Happy Birfday to Alex!
Stories and Satisfaction
Let me start off with a story...
Yesterday Liz, Terry, me, Vinny, Kayla, and Alexandria get off a plane in Chicago. We are all walking to baggage claim when a guy starts following us. He's walking right behind Terry when he says "Let me see your phone!" Terry tells him no and that he's on a call (which he was). The man proceeds to demand to see Terry's phone. We keep walking and he gets louder. He starts saying that he just lost his phone and wants to know if that one is his. Terry tells him it's not his phone and to back off. Dude persists and it takes Liz running her mouth and Vinny turning around for him to back off. We keep walking and he starts approaching Terry again, at which point Vinny takes his glasses off and puts them in their case, Liz starts walking back to them, and I take the kids and keep walking. There is yelling, and a fight almost breaks out because people are just running their mouths. The rest of the trip home was a blast, let me tell you. Moral of the story... in the year 2008 people are still just as ignorant as if it were 1861. This man was a southerner (I'm thinking a Texan) in a northern city accusing a black man of stealing something (it's a $400 phone) apparently just because he was black. My sister has that same exact phone and the jerk didn't say a word to her.
After all of the anger subsided I was just sad. And this isn't the first time I've been around stuff like this... I mean living out in the country if I go to a store with my brother-in-law people stare, but it doesn't usually bother me because no one says anything. I've been out with my nieces and it's obvious that they're mixed and people will look at me, at my ring finger, and then shake their heads, and look away. I've wanted to say something to them to embarrass them in their ignorance, but I just keep moving. I think I'm sad for Terry and the utter ignorance of other people. I'm sad for my girls because I love them so much and don't want them to have to grow up having people be rude to them because they are mixed.
God, I pray for this world.
Moving on... so Florida trip number two is over and I'm finally home. I'm broke as a joke now, but both trips were worth it! I think I've spent more time in Plano today than I have in the last 2 weeks (including sleep time). Life is about to get real slow and it'll definitely be a change... I've yet to decide if it'll be a good or a bad change. We'll see. Anyways, we got to FL on thursday and I went to stacy and jeff's thursday night. We watched the office together and it was spectacular! Friday Stacy and I drove to the beach on the Gulf side, which I love. The water is so calm it's amazing. I hunted for more sand dollars, but had no luck. Then we went home and had dinner with Jeff and Stacy's parents who I love so much! They were my second parents growing up. We all went gator hunting after dinner... I think just to shut me up about gators, but we saw a few so that was fun. Then me, stace, and jeff had a bonfire. Saturday we slept in and they took me back out to Orlando. We spent some time with my family before they went home. Then me and my brother went to the beach on the Atlantic side. Cocoa Beach. It's pretty nice, I'd been there before. Sunday we spent the day at the Magic Kingdom riding rides and fighting crowds. It was a good day. Monday afternoon we came home. I slept so well in my own bed last night. This morning I did not want to get out of bed... come to think of it... I didn't really have to. Shoot.
BUT now life has to get back to some form of normality. I am pretty overwhelmed and feeling very disconnected with my life here. I'm wondering how connected I've ever really been. I have stronger connections elsewhere, but I've gotta press on right? Thoughts of Africa are still in the front of my mind. Australia is still an option. I even have jobs open to me in Florida, Arizona, Indiana and even China. Lot's of prayer will ensue. This'll get sorted. I'm feeling kinda nomadic these days and I'm not sure how to satisfy that. Uncertainty is stressful, but it doesn't have to make you anxious.
All in all, life is good. God is good. That's where my hope lies. :)
When it rains or it shines on this pillow of mine
I will lift up my head to the sky
So I have chance to see
Where my hope has come from
Know there's nothing that I can't abide
When Nothing Satisfies You
When nothing satisfies you
When nothing satisfies you
Hold my hand
Send forth Your Light Lord,
And send forth Your Truth
Let them guide me to Your Holy Place
Then will I go to the Altar of God
To my Joy, my Delight and my Strength
When Nothing Satisfies You
When nothing satisfies you
When nothing satisfies you
Hold my hand
Why are You so downcast o my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God
My Savior, my King
My Savior, my King
When Nothing Satisfies You
When nothing satisfies you
When nothing satisfies you
Hold my hand
SHP SB '08
I am brown. Urban, if you will. Why am I brown? Because I spent last week in Panama City Beach, FL! Yeah, be jealous. Chealous? Ha, so anyways trip number one to florida was a pretty good time. Who wouldn't have fun sitting on a beach and playing in the water with friends? So I got to Indiana on Monday, we left tuesday night and got to Florida Wednesday around 11am. We went right to the beach and pretty stayed there all day. Sweet right? We left Saturday morning to come back. Sunday I went to church in Indiana and then came home. "Super Harry Potter Spring Break '08" is the title Trent gave our road trip. Awesome, right?
I came home to a bunch of sickies though. Alexandria has some stomach flu and just today my sister is starting to feel sick. AND we're supposed to go to Florida this thursday. Please God, no sickness! I'm a huge freak about stomach flu stuff... throwing up is the one thing that has the ability to make me cry every time. So pleasant, I know. I'm really hoping that everyone gets better because I'm planning on going... and hanging out with my bff. :) I can't wait to see stacy!
Moving on. Thursday evening in Panama City I went down to the beach because it was nap time, but I wasn't tired enough to sleep. I brought my bible and a pen. Being in the word isn't something I've been very consistent about these days. But being there and watching the waves of the ocean make their way in, and watching the sun creep down below the horizon I couldn't do anything but praise the Lord. So I started flipping through. not really sure what to read, I stopped in the Pslams. It seems so easy to stop there because you don't have to commit to much in the way of heavy reading. I read over some stuff I had highlighted at some point in the past, but nothing was speaking to me at all. Then I flipped to the gospel of Mark... I usually go to one of the other three gospels, but I stopped in Mark 7. I had just a few verses underlined, but the first one jumped at me. Verse 20 says "...it is the thought life that defiles you." Whoa. The whole chapter is about inner purity. I have a freakishly active thought life... meaning my mind is always racing and I'm always working through something in my head. I've made myself anxious before because I over thought something. It can really hinder me. Sometimes when I'm in discussions with people, instead of really listening intently I'm thinking of a rebuttal or a response to whatever they're saying. All that said, the amount of time I spend in thought can sometimes hinder me. I don't think that's what the verse is actually saying, but God used it to tell me to be still. To be calm and to let Him be in control. By having such an active thought life I tend to really control the way everything in my life runs instead of allowing God that time and space to be a part of it.
In the grand scheme of things, I was only in the book of Mark for about 2 minutes. My focus became John chapter 15. This is a chapter that I've heard a ton of sermons on, I've read books on it, I've been on mission trips and retreats focused around this chapter. All in all, over the years I've grown weary of it and usually just skim over it now when I'm reading through John because I think I know it all. WRONG!!
I read over the first four verses... I probably could have recited them, but this time it was different. This time I really felt the Spirit speaking to me. God was reaching out to me. It had been so long since I'd allowed Jesus to speak because I'm so wrapped up in me, I was a little surprised. How sad is that? Not the point though. The point is, I realized that I am not producing much fruit. Not that there's not some, but my branch is withering away and if it doesn't get pruned soon, it'll die. K, yes that's pretty dramatic in a humanistic way of thinking. Where have I been? I've been doing bible study and accountability, I've been teaching lessons in youth group, I've been going to church and planning things, but in all that I've not been doing much seeking. I've not been doing much shutting up either. I've not been allowing God to work... even though Jesus says "apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5b. Jesus commands me, "remain in my love." I want to. He also commands, "I command you to love each other in the same way that I love you." I'm trying to do that. I need to try harder. I need to have Christ's attitude about loving others... He reveals so much of His/God's nature in this chapter.
Something else that kinda jumped at me was verse 13 which says, "the greatest love is shown when people lay down their lives for their friends." Jesus chose me.
I have been appointed to produce fruit. Jesus has appointed me. How am I producing fruit? I've been thinking about this for days now. Fruit is being produced, but not as abundantly as possible. My branch hasn't been severed, it really just needs to be pruned. Prune my branch God.
Two hours of sitting on the beach alone, reading the word, worshipping God, singing(and probably scaring some people) and watching the sunset is an amazing way to spend an evening, let me tell ya.
I've been working in the city the last two days and I have to work tomorrow again which means I've gotta be up by 5am. Tomorrow is my last day before Florida again though and I get to see my dad, so I'm keeping on. I can sleep on the plane I suppose (as long as no babies are barfing on me!). On that note, enjoy your week!
Vaycays all around
The last couple weeks have been kinda crazy. I officially quit my job and my last day is Saturday. Do I know where I'm going from here? Not a clue, but I'm excited. I do know that I'm going to Florida twice this month, so yahoo for that! I'm leaving Monday night to go down with Trent. As far as I'm concerned, the plan is to sit on the beach, play games, read, play guitar, worship the Lord, and just relax. How awesome does that sound? My brother might come, which would be awesome because he needs to get away as much as me and Trent do. He's had a rough winter too. We'll see. Plans change like every five minutes, so who even knows who is gonna end up coming? I'll get home from that next Sunday and then leave the following Thursday to fly down with my whole family to Orlando. We'll be going to Disney a couple of days day so Kayla and Alex can see Mickey and his homies, and I get to see my bff Stacy which I am thrilled about! I haven't seen her since August, so good times are sure to ensue. April should be a pretty good month for me, yeah? I'm thinkin so.
So, what else? Oh, at work today they did a little goodbye party for me which was really sweet. They got one of those giant Mrs. Field's cookies from the mall and it said "we will miss you." I also got a funny little card signed by everyone and an awesome mix CD from one of them too. Fun times. So I didn't think leaving a job that has been rough for me would be hard at all. But I've really come to like the people I work with for the most part. My manager has invited me to come back anytime because she'll always have a position open for me and also that she and her boss would write me awesome references. Thinking about it... I should just stay there. If I'm not in it for the money, which I'm not, then what the heck am I doing?
I was really excited about doing mission work and that's still in the front of my mind a lot, I just don't know how to get there. I don't know. It would be safe for me to stay at the store. It's easy for me, they love me, and I'm good at what I do. But I'd be going no where. I don't think my ministry thrives there. I know what God wants from me and I can't accomplish it there. It'd just be so easy if that were the case though, ya know?
Oh well. It'll all get figured out... in May, after my vacation month. :) Speaking of, I've got to go... I need to get to the tanning bed one or two more times before vaycay so I don't burn at all.
Here's something I read this week by Max Lucado... "Sin sees the world with no God in it. Where we might think of sin as slip-ups or missteps, God views sin as godless attitude that leads to godless actions."
Let me say again, God views sin as godless attitude that leads to godless actions. Wow. and Yikes. My attitude needs to be in check these days. It's something I'm working on. I have this tendency these days to pout when things don't go how I think they're going to or they happen change at the last minute. It's so immature and whinny.
So, that's it. I'm off the tanner... oh the wrinkles that are sure to come when I'm old! ;) Oh well! I'm living for now!
