Marriage - A Spiritual Merit Badge?
Alright guys... this is really long, but really well written and worth reading the whole thing. It was not written by me (obviously), but by an aquaintance named Dan Montgomery. He works at Grace of Dupage Church, graduated from North Central College with a History degree, and is saving to start seminary soon. He's a very intellegent guy and though I don't know him very well at all, I respect him a ton. (ps He was one of the groomsmen in the wedding I was just in.)
"There’s a myth going around Youth Groups, Christian Books Stores and whatever other nooks and crannies of Christendom young people tend to dwell. As a 24 year old single guy I encounter it quite often. It seemed believable when I first heard it as a 16 year old, but as time has gone on I’ve come to see its folly. The myth I speak of is this: God won’t bring your soul mate into your life until you’re spiritually mature enough. You must be completely in love with Jesus before he will allow you to love someone else. It is only once you are unshakably content in Christ, having attained a state of Dating Nirvana, that you will receive your spiritual merit badge of a spouse. Now I’ll admit, I’m not being very fair. No one really says that exactly, but that’s probably the problem. The presentation of this foolish idea is often much more sublime. It’s mixed with rock solid biblical truth about trusting God, being satisfied in Him alone, only being capable of truly loving your spouse if you first love God, etc. Unfortunately, it makes marriage an end in itself. Let me give you an example of this mindset I came across via e-mail:
Dear Friend,
Everyone longs to give himself completely to someone, to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God, to a Christian says, No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled, and content with being loved by Me alone, until giving yourself totally to Me, to have an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone, discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, will you be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with Me, exclusive of any other desires or longings. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing - one that you cannot imagine. I want you to have the best. Please allow Me to bring it to you. You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things, keep experiencing the satisfaction that I AM! Keep listening and learning the things I tell you. You just wait, that's all. Don't be anxious. Don't look at the things you want. You just keep looking off and up to Me or you'll miss what I want to show you. And then when you are ready, I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than you could dream of. You see, until you are ready ( I am working even this moment to have both of you ready at the same time) until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I have prepared for you, you will not be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me, and this perfect love. And Dear one, I want you to have the most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relation with Me, and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection, and love that I offer you with Myself. Know that I love you utterly. I am the Almighty God. Believe it and be satisfied.
Look at the beautiful truth oozing out that paragraph! In there is advice and encouragement I’d pass on to any single person struggling to be content with their singleness! If you’re single and you’re reading this, realize that your discontent won’t be quenched by a mate. It will only be quenched by the all sufficient God. It’s not a very loving thing to put your huge need for satisfaction on the back of another human. If you long to be married some day (which is a very good desire that God put in place in The Garden) do not be anxious. God takes care of his children!
I praise God that I’m relatively content with my singleness (be it short or long term) but I do understand and have seen in others the frustration and restlessness that can come as a twenty-something (or older) single. One huge weapon to wage in the fight to quiet your soul is to preach marriage’s true purpose to yourself – to reflect God’s love for His Church. If you can have that weighty view of marriage in mind, you will not be flippant or selfish about your search for a mate.
But among all the good advice that is given there, there’s so much misdirection! It’s wildly frustrating to read this realizing that what’s being said is; “if you were ‘satisfied, fulfilled, and content with being loved by Me alone’ like your married friends, you’d be married too!” A paragraph like this may seem like a good way to get the anxious eighteen year-old to calm down and focus on growing up but it doesn’t work for too long. Eventually you just start to sound like one of Jobs friends. Good intentions with bad theology. The crux of the folly is this; that marriage is an end in itself. That marriage is a reward for holiness, not a means for sanctification. That if you really want to be married just pursue God you'll finally get what you want, namely, marriage. Reminds me of Simon the Sorcerer (Acts 8)!!!
I’ve met some people who seem to long for marriage the way we’re supposed to long for a better country. Look at Hebrews 11:13-16.
13These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. 14For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. 15If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. 16But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city.
Verse 16 clearly says that God has prepared for them a CITY, not a spouse (although he does providentially, lovingly and wisely prepared relationships, that’s not the point). Our reward for faithfulness and the resolution of the dissonance in our soul is not eternity spent with our spouse in marriage. It’s eternity spent with Jesus in heaven. When God blesses Christians with marriage it is meant to help prepare them for that. When a couple is married, they become partnered pilgrims on the voyage home, NOT the “ying” to the others “yang”.
Marriage is, for those blessed by it, a means for God to achieve something else. Those who are married have the privilege and duty of using their marriage for God’s glory. They are supposed to reflect God’s relationship to the Church and to demonstrate selfless love via leadership and submission in a way that a single could not (Galatians 5:31-32)
Christian singles have privilege and duty of using their singleness for god’s glory. They are supposed to demonstrate the satisfaction that is in Christ to the rest of the world in a way that those who are married can not (Isaiah 56).
So in conclusion, YES! Pursue God! Run after God! Long to be satisfied in God! And while you're at it, go ahead and find a spouse. Be wise and patient in your search taking the counsel of those around in. But don't lose sight of why you're getting married (or staying single). There's a plotline more central to this universe than your love life. Yield to that."
The calm
It's been really stormy the last few days... tornados and the like. I've loved it. You can't fully enjoy summer until that one booming crack of thunder rattles your insides enough to remind you of your childhood and nights spent on your parent's bedroom floor. It's calm out there right now, but more strong storms are predicted for later on. The calm before the storm. It can be such a peaceful time, but it can also be such a tense time too. The anxiety and expectancy of it all is almost too much sometimes... as it is in life.
This is the first week I've had time to breathe in a while and it's a bit of a strange thing for me. It signifies the end of summer, I suppose. Things are winding down, but I don't think I'm ready for them to be over. The reality of everyday life is setting back in now that "wedding week '07" is over and I'm home from visiting various friends who live way too far away. Carley's wedding was beautiful, she was glowing and Matt was really handsome. The day went off without a hitch as far as I can tell... there wasn't any drama, Kayla was really cute as the flower girl, and Matt and Carley were revelling in the love they share. It was perfect for them... because it was all for the Lord.
The time I got to spend with my friends was priceless as always... there's a comfort in old friends that I can't really describe. All of my old friends have new friends and it's fun to incorporate them into our lives when we're together... basically I'm talking about their husbands or wives. This is such a strange time in my life. Time is a tricky thing. Hours, days, weeks, months, years. They all slip away from us. I'm not sure what this means right now.
People think it's weird that I'm not married yet. Other people commend me on it (as though I've had much of a choice). But I'm okay with my singleness and it's a great time to be free. I see that there's blessings in it and I praise God for the work He does through me. Ya gotta work with what you're given, yeah? For as much as I enjoy life the way it is I wouldn't be opposed to a change. That's really ONLY to say that I'm sick of people telling me that being single is the greatest thing ever and that they wished they had spent more time figuring out who they were. (whoa, kinda a harsh turn, I know) The thing is why can't you figure out who you are now? You're still an individual even though the two become one. The other person just addes to that. I believe that you have to work on figuring out who you are in the Lord, everyday, single or married. It's something everyone should work on, don't you think? I don't know... maybe I'm way off base here and if I am feel free to tell me.
We all have days when we're unsatisfied with what we have. Some married people wish they were single some days, though not because of troubles or a lack of love. Some single people wish they were married, though not because they're not complete without someone else. We all need companionship right? I just think there's good in both situations and not everyone considers that because they look at what the others have and envy it.
So that was me, up on my soapbox apparently. If we could all just look to the Lord to complete us there wouldn't been any of this. Easier said then done. Darn humanistic ways of life.
On a completely different note, I'm really excited because I've been able to write some stuff for guitar this week. I'm also excited because my church is doing worship in the park this sunday... aka we're meeting at the park right down the street from my house for church. We're combining with the Lutheran and Baptist Church to make it a very ecumenical Sunday. Good stuff. Also this past week for youth group we went fishing on this gorgeous lake not to far from my house... it was so much fun. Who woulda ever thought I'd be goin finshing with my youth group? Not me, but they loved it and I'm glad because I love fishing. We're working on cleaning my basement up this coming week so that we can have our first skating party! We had youth group at the pool a couple weeks ago and that was very cool too. I just love it!
Welp, that's it for me... I've gotta finish baking these swirl cookies for Kayla because the poor little thing has a cold and then I'm gonna ride my bike to my famiy's house! Peace and love. (that was kinda hippy, I know)
Psalm 63:
"1 O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.
2 I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
3 Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
4 I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.
5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
6 On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
7 Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.
8 My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.
9 They who seek my life will be destroyed;
they will go down to the depths of the earth.
10 They will be given over to the sword
and become food for jackals.
11 But the king will rejoice in God;
all who swear by God's name will praise him,
while the mouths of liars will be silenced."
"Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men, for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things." Psalm 107:8-9
Good Morning Baltimore!
Yeah, so I finally saw Hairspray and loved it, hense the title to this entry. Anyways so whats new? Well I've been so busy I haven't had more than an hour to myself at a time for the past few weeks. My college friends were here a couple weekends ago and that of course was a blast. We only have good times when we're together and I wish we could all hang out more often, but unfortunately real life takes over and it's not possible.
That same weekend my parents came back into to town to move the rest of their stuff up here. Well they closed on the new house and Liz, Terry, Vinny, Tony, and I started to move everything in the new house which included unloading the truck from AZ, loading it with the stuff stored in my garage, unloading that entire load at the new house, and then heading to Liz and Terry's to begin moving their stuff. So, that was all in one day. The next day we loaded and unloaded the truck a few more times. By the end of that day I was exhausted. Seriously didn't want to move a muscle. But then the unpacking and moving boxes around started up. I was so thankful that at the end of the day I could leave and come home to a nice, clean, unpacked house. I swear the next time I move is going to be the last, therefore I can't move until I get married! For real!
I had my first youth group last week and it went pretty well. The kids are searching and you can tell that they really need someone to guide them, so I'm excited that the Lord has given me the opportunity to do that. Let me tell ya, it's not on my own strength that I'm doing any of this because I am underqualified, but it just means that and success is the Lord's, you know? It's really a very cool thing. I just got done completing my first real lesson for tonight's youth group so I'm praying that it goes well. I think I'm even gonna play some guitar tonight so we can sing our praises. It's exciting!
My best friend Stacy is flying in from Florida tonight and I'm picking her up from the airport after youth group! I cannot wait to see this girl! We went to middle and high school together and she's always been an amazing friend and an encouragement in the Lord. Also, Michelle gets in at 1am tonight, so we won't see her til tomorrow, but I can't wait to see her either! We've been BFF since 4th grade and I love her! There's a group of 4 of us girls and we've all been BFF for forever... whenever one gets married it's a party because for one thing we're in each other's weddings, and another we never get to see each other. Well, I get to see Carley a lot actually because we still live in the area, but we don't get to see the other girls very often. It's non-stop laughter when we're together. I love these girls so much! I'm also really excited not only do we get to spend tons of time together, but we also get to see our other friends from school and church. There are going to be so many people here it's like a huge reunion. Our group from high school was huge and there are so many people that I'm looking forward to spending time with. We're a group that will always be there for one another no matter how much time has past since we've seen or spoken to each other. So mushy, but so true.
I hung out with Carley and Lindsey last night at BDubs (BWW) and we were talking about how it's amazing we've all stayed friends, yet we've all changed so much. That got me thinking about the ways that I've changed since I've come to know all of these people. I feel like growing up in Naperville we all came to have certain expectations of our parents, financially and not that we always took advantage of that, but we did want the best things we could get. I always had to have a new pair of shoes, new hair cut, new guitar, new clothes and I only wanted name brand things. Not that having the best of everything is bad, but now I think what's the point? I've changed a lot when it comes to things. I always picutred living in this huge house, and having lots of nice things to fill it up with because that's what I was used to, you know?
I've changed in other ways too, obviously, but it's really been hitting me that things that were once important to me, no longer are. Things like my car and where I live. Things like my clothes... I seriously love clearance racks these days. I have so many clothes that I have to keep buying new hangers, but it's because I get a ton for like a quarter of what I used to pay. I would never have bought something at Walmart unless it was like socks or something, but now a ton of my clothes are from there. I still buy jeans elsewhere, but you know how that is, you find jeans that fit you well and you stick with them. What I'm saying is that I'm much more simplistic than I was or thought I would ever be. I just don't need a new car, or a big house, or even a huge fancy wedding someday. not that having those things wouldn't be nice, but I don't NEED them, you know? I never needed them, but I sure did want them pretty badly. I've been in and seen so many different types of wedding ceremonies and they were each great for the person they were for. Some were simplistic... BBQ style, some elegant, some just plan fun! I don't know. I'm just kinda putting this out there if for nothing else than to remind myself.
We all have days when we want what others have and want money (like it's gonna solve everything), but I just want to glorify God in the things I do and I know I will be provided for. Nothing I accomplish is of me. I find my strength in the Lord.
Well, I've gotta clean this house for my friends and the bachelorette party! Congrats to Matt and Carley!
"If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen." 1 Peter 4:11
