To Live is Christ
I still haven't figured things out yet, but I don't feel like I have to right now. What I have to do is be content and learn to be satisfied because everything is perfect in God's timing. To be in God's will for my life means trusting Him because whatever decision I make He's going to be walking with me, so I just have to remember that. Keeping that in the front of my mind is what's really helped me since me last blog or should I say little rant where I freaked out?? Anyway, there's always going to be something in my way and those are things I need to be allowing God to help me with. I always try to do stuff on my own and as you all probably know... it NEVER works. I'm just starting this amazing bible study by Beth Moore (Ladies, if you don't know her, you need to). It's about the life and ministry of Paul and what it means to live as Christ and of course, it just great. Beth is a southern girl (Baptist, which is sometimes hard to swallow, but well worth it), but she has a heart for God and serving others. I highly recommend all of her books and bible studies. They are very intense and take some time, but they're good. So there's a little plug for that. What I think I'm getting at (in a round-about way) is that God always finds a way into your situations, even if you don't want to let Him. He's going to allow you to be stressed and impatient, to get angry and be frustrated because the moment you come to Him for help He is glorified. Making any sense? Once again this is obvious stuff and I knew it before, but it's being revealed in a new way. God is faithful.So anyway, this isn't to say that life is perfect and that I'm not frustrated or angry, but remembering this has for sure been a help. I am always going to have things and certain people in my life that frustrate me, make me mad, and stress me out because we're human and we live in an imperfect world, so it's to be expected.Just one thing, really quick, I promise. Don't be fake. Don't think that you are being sneaky when it's obvious you have impure motives. Don't act high and mighty or holier-than-thou because I can see right through it and so can everyone else. There's nothing worse than a self-righteous person. Strive to actually be Christ-like and stop pretending. People will always be able to call you out.
Here's the thing
There's so much I want to write about right now... I can't get a single thought out because my mind is racing. Being analytical can be such a curse. I just want to know what is going on. I hate feeling like I'm in the dark. I hate being unsure. So if you hadn't figured it out yet, that whole being "confused in a good way" thing is still there, but it's not as fun anymore. I just want to know. I want to be sure. If I don't know one thing, it effects all other aspects of my life. It's like one thing determines everything right now, but that one thing isn't the thing that should be determining anything. I've been really happy with that thing that's been determining stuff, which is part of the problem.And now you're confused. I'm gonna try and get some sleep and maybe, just maybe my thoughts will be clear tomorrow.
One of those things I hate doing, but do anyway because I'm a procrastinator in the worst way!
My friend Mike sent this to me and "tagged" me to do one for you all. So here goes a little survey for your viewing pleasure. Hope you enjoy! PS - if your name is at the bottom, you need to do one too...you've been "tagged"10 years ago- I was 12 years old in 7th grade at Gregory Middle School. My family still lived in the Ashbury neighborhood in good old Naperville, IL. I was definitely hanging out with my best friends Michelle and Carley at that time. (BTW we're still best friends, plus Stacy). We were getting into and causing all kinds of trouble back then, but we really enjoyed ourselves. This is when I wanted to be just like my older sister, but she was in high school and much too cool for me. I also hung out with my little brother a lot. He and his friends were all about football, baseball, and hockey and I was much better than them so I liked hanging out with them.5 years ago- Let's see... 5 years ago I was a senior in high school and having the time of my life with the best group of friends I could ask for. I was leading worship with John Dudich at church and loving every minute of it. WSUMC was a huge part of my life and became my family when my parents moved to Arizona. They were gracious enough to let me finish high school with my friends, something I will always be grateful for. I also led FCS (Fellowship of Christian Students) along with John and my favorite teacher ever, Mr. Rim. I loved every minute of senior year, even the rough times. I grew in Christ and as a person a ton that year.1 year ago- A year ago I was in my first senior year here at IWU. It was a rough year for all of us. It seemed like there was a lot of drama, but through that drama my friendship with Ashley and Stephanie got even stronger. We were just starting the IWU Democrats and that was a huge deal then too. My niece, Kayla was born premature and it was an emotional time at first, but she's a beautiful, healthy little girl and I love her with all my heart. My friend Mike moved into my parents house to go to school for 8 months which made Christmas break a fun time. I got to record a song I'd written and one other song. I really grew from that. Mike helped me learn how to be more confident with myself and for that I'm grateful. :o) I got to record over Spring break too which was awesome, but it was a rough week that caused a lot of pain between my best friend and I. Something we never want to deal with again. Yesterday- I went to my one class, took care of some business on campus, cleaned my house because Blake is staying here this weekend, played on my new Apple iBook, did some stuff for work, went out to dinner with my best friend, and hung with Blake for a few minutes when he got here (it was almost 1am).10 Songs I know all the words to: Wow... just ten? Like Mike, I'm gonna have to put some artists down: Caedmon's Call, Third Day, Jennifer Knapp, John Mayer, Jars of Clay, Mariah Carey, Kelly Clarkson, Beach Boys, The Beatles... basically any music I've ever listened too.
5 things I'd do with a $100 Million:
First I'd have to pay off all my loansPay a doctor to find a cure for my dadMissions workPut a lot of it in savingsBuy my house in Italy and travel the world5 places to run away to:
ItalyPhoenixNapervilleStacy's houseAny one of my friend's houses, really5 things I should/would never wear:
plaidbangsspandex pants (yeah for 2-4 grade!)a hoop in my nose piercingbutch sandals (if you don't know, thats a good thing. they totally creep me out)5 favorite TV shows (as of right now):Boy Meets World (of course!)LostSurvivorWill & GraceFriends5 joys:
Jesus ChristFamilyFriendsGuitar (music in general)knowing that I only have 5 and half months of school left!
5 favorite toys:
my new Apple iBookTayBo (my guitar)Camera (I'm a picture freak!)Cell PhoneChrishelle (my car)5 things I cannot stand: When people think they are always right... about everything. They just can't be wrong and will argue until you want to punch them in the face.closedminded peopleone-sided friendshipspeople with an agenda in a friendship, or bad motives (always scheming to get something they want)snobs!People I have tagged for doing this next:Stepanie Beach (get a blog already!)Aaron CombsBlake ChastainJolla
Oh what a break it was!
The weekend has come and gone and now it's Wednesday already. I've been thinking about this coming weekend since Sunday night. :o) Can you tell I'm a senior? Anyway this weekend was deifinitely what I needed. Friday night I got to hang out with a really cool guy, then we hooked up with some of his friends and went out for a while before coming back here to play games. I planned on spending Saturday alone, and I did for the most part. I cleaned my house and then I left Marion for a few hours and went shopping, which was awesome! I spent money I didn't really have, but I rationalized it really well for myself. I came home and ate some dinner and just planned on watching TV and doing nothing! Then my phone rang. So much for my night alone, but I didn't mind at all. So, he and I tried to see the movie playing at the school, but we were a few minutes too late, so we rented a movie and came back to my place to watch it. We hung out until about 2, I think. Sunday I talked on the phone a lot, straightened my room up (it was really bad!), and then went to a movie with my roommate and her mommy.Overall I couldn't have asked for a better weekend. I really needed it, that's for sure. This week has already proved to be about a hundred times better than last week. Anyway, enough of the details on my life. Onto more important things. I've recently had a few conversations about what it means to qualify to be a pastor's wife and may I just say that people from the IWU community have an incredibly skewed view. Not everyone, but many. Now, let me just say that I'm not necessarily planning on marrying a pastor, although I wouldn't object to it by any means. I just really feel like people have these expectations on what a pastor's wife should be like. If she shows faults now, it wouldn't be a good idea to stay with her. If she lets a curse word roll off her tongue, you better think things through. If she doesn't act like she's perfect, better make sure you teach her to. This is all based on observations. I just think that for a place that stresses Christ's love, IWU doesn't do a good job at teaching forgiveness. I don't like that (some) people write others off because of their past or what they're going through. This isn't to say that one should settle because I'm definitely not for that, I just think it's time for people to step down off of their high horses. Be real. Learn what it really means live as Christ. (I'm still learning.) Writing something like this I realize that I'm making myself completely vulnerable, not something I like to do. Sometimes when you want to give your opinion or thoughts on something, you run that risk. I love hearing what you think about my little rants, so let me know!
I need a break!!
Do you ever feel like you need a break from life? That's kinda how this week has gone for me. A lot of good has gone on and I still feel just blah. It's just little things you know? Like having something scheduled that you hold at highest importance... only to find that the other people involved don't care as much so it doesn't get done out of pure laziness. Or having old crap brought up that you never wanted to deal with again because it wasn't a good time in your life. OR like when a "friend" doesn't keep in contact or if they do it's because they have ulterior motives. These little things drive me nuts. I hate finding out/remembering people's flaws. It's not fun times. I'm not saying that I'm perfect because I'm for sure far from it. One thing I just wanna lay out there right now is that I HATE when people act like they're your friend, but don't hold up their end. Onesided friendships are a huge pet peeve and I have no place for them in my life. There are just some people who come back into my life simply becaue they want to get ahold of someone else. Or sometimes people that I'm "friends" with don't want to make time for me, but only my other friends that they think they know, but really don't. The whole ulterior motives thing. I don't know if that makes sense to you, but it does to me.This is why I feel like I need a break from life. I just want to be able to do nothing. Not have to worry about school (which is, by the way, really bogging me down), not have to worry about friends and the annoying things they are doing. I just want to relax. I feel like I haven't been able to be me because there's so much else going on.This weekend is going to be a good time I think. For the first time in a long time I'll be alone (no worries folks, I do have plans, just not ALL weekend). I've been going home so much and then when I'm not home we have people here (which I really do love, Beach), so it hasn't left much "me" time. I don't want to sound down because I really am a happy person and I have joy in my life, God is here and He is good. There really is so much good going on, I've just been too stressed to realize it. The whole "getting to know someone better" thing is going well and I'm enjoying that. God is speaking even when I'm not listening real closely. Praise Him for His persistence in my life. Anyway, I hope you all have a good weekend and find some time to relax and just enjoy yourself. Much love!
Keeping on!
I believe it's the fifth week of class now and I'm definitely ready to be done. More and more I am seeing the choices that I'm going to have after college and I just want them now. The first half if this semester is killer, after fall break I should be sitting tight. I'm doing everything now, like write papers, volunteer to give my presentations first because I want to be done with them so I can enjoy the time I have left with some people who are graduating in December. I always seem to get really close to people as soon as one of us is leaving. It'll be good though, I'm sure.
I have senioritis bad! I just want to be with people and have fun, but I should probably make graduating high on my priority list don't you think?
Anyway, not too much has gone on since I last wrote. I've been busy with class and my internship. I've also been spending quite a bit more time with an amazing person, which has been really nice. It's really funny how things can change so quickly with a person. :o)I went home this past weekend and it was a great time as always. I got to hang with my extended family at a birthday party and then my cousin and I went to a concert which was awesome. I love spending time with them... I just wish gas prices weren't so insane. It's almost $70 round trip for me to drive up there. Not something I can afford every weekend that's for sure.I don't really have anything profound to say right now, then again some would argue that I seldom have anything profound to say. I hope you are all doing well. It'd be great to know that someone actually reads this. Not that I write for other people all the time, but most of the time. Let the good times roll!
